Introducing Crabby CMO: Everything you want to say on LinkedIn, but can't

The unfiltered truth about CMO and VP Marketing life that nobody posts on LinkedIn — career advice, agency takes, and hard-won opinions in a 46-page book.

May 31, 2026

This is a special edition of CMO2CRO

I’ve built pipeline. I’ve launched brands. I’ve owned revenue. I’ve sat through 11,000 hours of syncs that could have been emails.

And I’ve learned that the best marketing career advice doesn’t come from or belong on LinkedIn since LinkedIn is where we perform optimism for an audience of recruiters and competitors.

So I sat down and wrote out all of the things I would like to say on LinkedIn and put it in a 46-page book. You know the kinds of things where you write something but then backspace and rewrite to make it sound more polite? Or the things you only whisper to your friends but wouldn’t be caught dead putting them in writing or saying them out loud to a coworker?

If you’re a CMO or VPM, then you know we can’t say what we really think in public because that would be career suicide. Yet, it’s all true. How do I know it’s true? By consensus of everyone saying it on dark social and in social circles.

And then there are my own observations about agencies, Gartner, and AI, of course.

And of course when you hear SaaStr talk about creating an AI VPM workshop, it makes you want to give the big ol’ middle finger, does it not? As if this is what you worked your entire career just to have it cosplay out as a bot at some conference.

The Crabby CMO: Everything you want to say on LinkedIn, but can’t is the first CMO book you might actually get something out of, if not a laugh and a nod.